Connecting Fathers and Families


What is the single most important action we can take to influence the children in our charge?

Charles Fay of Love and Logic wrote this week in his email blast, “Rules provided without relationship result in rebellion.  Consequences given without relationship lead to resentment.  Rewards without relationship feel like bribes.”  The most powerful tool a parent or teacher can use is relationship.  For generations we have quoted the proverb, “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.”  Discipline relies less on limits than on love.

Think back to the teacher who influenced you the most.  What remains in your memory through the years since you interacted with them?  Can you remember the first lesson they taught you?  More likely, you remember how they took an interest in you and helped you and cared for your future.  We seek to rise to the level of the expectations of the coach or teacher or parent who loves us.

High expectations are essential.  I was never unclear about my parents’ desire for me.  They wanted me to do the best that I could possibly do.  I didn’t coast after I had earned an average grade in a subject; I continued to strive for excellence even in subjects that made me work harder for the same grade as my best subjects.  Coaches don’t stop practice the first time the quarterback connects with the tight end.  They run that play for hours until the ball remains safely in the arms of the receiver every time.

Most of us seek to please the people who care about us.  If someone lacks enough relationship with us to inspire us, we typically don’t offer very much effort when they ask.  However, if someone who cares about us checks in on our progress, we redouble our efforts if only to bring a smile to their face.

Why spend time on tools that don’t form the person we hope to grow?  Use the best tool in your toolbox.  Build relationships and raise not only your expectations but also their achievement.


A Parent’s Best Tool

Connecting Fathers at St. John

Brand new single-session, hands-on training for new fathers and soon-to-be fathers

* Now at Two Locations in the Tulsa Area *

St John Owasso


6:30-8:30 pm

March 10

July 14

September 22

November 10

St John 21st Street

Thursdays  6:30-8:30 pm

January 9

February 13

April 10

May 8

June 12

To Register, Call Pulseline at


or Click either Location above to register

Over 25,000 people have benefitted from workshops and sessions with Dr. Matt Crain during the past seven years.  Dr. Crain works with fathers, families, couples, schools, civic clubs and churches to build their  CONNECTIONS for happier, harmonious, purposeful living.  A gifted speaker, writer and trainer, Dr. Crain is available to help you establish healthy connections with the important people in your life.

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